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So, sex-dating – it’s quick, dirty, no faff. You’re chattin’ some bird, she’s like, “Wanna bang?” No dinner, no “Oh, you’re so deep” crap. Straight to the shaggin’, like animals – brilliant! Made me happy first time, proper buzzin’. But then, fuck me, the clowns show up. Bloke says he’s 6’2”, rolls up 5’4” – what’s this, a hobbit audition? Idiot sandwich! I’m ragin’, spittin’ feathers over here.

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First off, I hit up the local café on ul. Krakowska. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot. I need that caffeine kick, ya know? But the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But hey, I laugh it off. Gotta keep it light, right?

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