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First off, this car—man, it’s basic as hell. Born in ‘81, Ford said, “Let’s slap some wheels on a shoebox!” And bam, Escort hit the streets, cheap, ugly, but loyal—like that friend who’s broke but shows up anyway. I’m talkin’ 1.6-liter engine, sputterin’ like an old man coughin’, but it hauled ass for the everyman. Gas mileage? Sweet lord, it sipped fuel like a nun sips wine—30, 40 miles a gallon, savin’ pennies in the ‘80s when gas prices had folks sweatin’.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Let’s hit up the beach at Jezioro Długie.” I’m down! So, I hop on a bus. The ride is wild. This old lady starts chatting me up about her cat. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I don’t care about your cat’s diet.”

Prep Notebook: OLSM’s Olsztyn and Berkley’s Rolands commit to Penn