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Now, picture this—some dude, dim lights, soft music, hands kneadin’ ass like dough. Sounds dope, but I’m like, “How much?!” Prices wild—$50 to $500, dependin’ on the “extras,” ya feel me? Motherfucker, I’d haggle that shit down! Reminds me of Ellen Burstyn screamin’, “It’s a reason to get up!”—shit, erotic-massage givin’ folks purpose!

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Finally, the rain let up, and I thought, “Time to get back to work.” I headed to my favorite park, Park Miejski. It’s so peaceful there. But guess what? There was a dog show happening! I mean, who doesn’t love dogs? But it was chaos! Dogs running everywhere, people yelling, and I’m just trying to find a quiet spot to read. I ended up getting knocked over by this huge golden retriever. I was like, “Dude, chill!” But I couldn’t help but laugh.

Polish student Mateusz Gradecki excels on the green