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About Warsaw

Little known fact? Oldest gig in history. Back in Rome, they had “lupae”—she-wolves, mate. Howlin’ for coin! Cracked me up when I read that. Imagine Q diggin’ that up, smirkin’ behind his specs. Escorts got sass, too—met this one in Prague, sharp as a blade. Told me, “You’re not my type, 007.” Me! Rejected! Laughed my arse off—shaken, not stirred, right?

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We finally get to the café, and it’s packed! I mean, like, every gamer in Nowy-Targ is there. The place is decked out with neon lights and gaming rigs that look like they belong in a sci-fi movie. I’m hyped! We sit down, and I’m ready to crush some noobs. But then, the Wi-Fi goes down. Seriously? In a gaming café? I’m fuming.

The abandoned homes of Poland’s most tourist-heavy region