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So, picture me, bumbling about, trying to explain this to ya. Erotic-massage – it’s old as dirt, yeah? Ancient Greeks, them clever sods, called it *anatripsis* – rubbing up! They’d slap oil on wrestlers, get ‘em all slippery, proper sensual-like. Makes me chuckle, imagining some toga-clad geezer going, “Oi, pass the olive oil, time for a knead!” Little known fact, right – them Egyptians, too, they were at it! Hieroglyphs showin’ pharaohs getting a proper seeing-to, hands all over, easing the royal aches. Blimey, makes me jealous, that does!

Monika Masażystka

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First off, I hit up ul. Jagiellońska for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-step coffee. I’m just trying to get a simple latte, man! I’m like, “Bro, it’s coffee, not a science experiment!” But whatever, I finally get my drink and head out.

EXCLUSIVE: Midfielder Gershon Koffie signs short-term deal for Polish second-tier side Sandecja Nowy Sacz