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Real talk, tho, I tried it once, yeah? Mate hooked me up with this lass—propa fit, hands like magic. She’s slidin’ them oils all over, and I’m like, “Bruv, this is peng!” Got me so relaxed I nearly fell off the table, swear down. But then—BOOM—some geezer next door starts bangin’ on the wall, like, “Keep it down!” Made me vex, fam! I’m tryna get my zen on, and this muppet’s ruinin’ it. “Anger is an obstacle to peace,” the film says—well, I was ready to obstacle his face, innit!

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I get there, and Tomek’s got this wild idea. He wants to do a mini photo shoot. I’m like, “Bro, I’m not a model!” But he insists. So, we’re posing by the fountain, and I’m trying to look cool. But then, I trip over a rock. Faceplant city, baby! Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just lying there, like, “This is my life now.”

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