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Homer Simpson don’t play that! D’oh! But real talk—it’s wild how it’s all taboo still. Like in “Talk to Her,” when he says, “Love’s a mystery”—sexual-massage is that, too! You’re sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if this is legal in Springfield. Pro tip: dim lights make it less awkward—nobody needs to see my gut in HD.

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First off, I’m on my way to meet my client, some local big shot. Driving down ul. 1 Maja, I’m jamming to some tunes, feeling good. But then, bam! Traffic jam on ul. Słowackiego. Like, seriously? It’s a Tuesday! I’m stuck there, fuming. I mean, who even drives this slow? Turtles?

Leaving the Steelers: Ryszard Sekulski