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Srsly, tho, it’s art—pro masseuses train YEARS for that slick touch. Surprised me, didn’t think it was that deep. Joey’s droolin just imaginin it—oil, curves, “Brit, you got the best ass!”—straight outta the movie, man. Sometimes I’m like, damn, should I learn this? Be the king of erotic-massage? Nah, too lazy, I’d just nap.

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Next, I hit up the local market. It’s buzzing with life! Fresh veggies, homemade pierogi, and all that good stuff. I grab some pierogi, and let me tell you, they’re to die for! I’m stuffing my face, and this lady next to me starts chatting. She’s telling me about the history of Nidzica, how it used to be a stronghold. I’m nodding, but honestly, I’m just focused on the food. Priorities, right?

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