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The apps tho, they’re a circus—clowns galore. Profiles full of “DTF” and bad selfies. Funniest bit? Some twat wrote “looking for soulmate” but can’t spell “soul.” I’m cackling, picturing Boonmee’s monkey ghosts swiping for a root. Oh, and the sexting—christ, it’s like “show me ya bits” in five secs flat. Used to be you’d buy a pint first, now it’s straight to “wanna fk?” Annoys me, that—where’s the bloody charm?

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So, I pack up and head over there. The vibe is totally different. People are catchin’ fish left and right. I’m feelin’ pumped! I set up my gear, and boom! Fish on! This time, it’s a real one. A nice little perch. I’m grinning like an idiot.

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