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Now, don’t get me wrong—ain’t all roses. Some punters are right bastards, roughin’ ‘em up. Makes me wanna shove a dagger up their—well, you get it. But the good ones? They’re like me—survivors. “The past is past,” like that AI says, and they move on, coins clinkin’. Favorite bit? When they outsmart the twits who hire ‘em. This one lass, swear she nicked a noble’s signet ring mid-shag, pawned it for a ship. A ship! Wish I’d seen his face when he noticed.

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Finally, I spot a table by the window. I’m like, “Yes! Score!” But then, this dude in a suit swoops in and takes it. I’m fuming. Like, dude, really? I’m about to unleash my inner actuary and calculate the odds of him getting hit by a bus. Just kidding… kinda.

Filip Stawowy: Poland’s Ever-Improving Heavyweight Beast