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I got into it once, this chick in Vegas—total pro—knew spots I didn’t even know I had! Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were ALL bout it—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Horny bastards! Made me happy as hell, like Riley’s goofy dad in the movie, all “Yay, pizza!” But then—boom—some dude tried chargin’ me triple, said it’s “therapeutic.” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bro, this ain’t no doctor’s office, chill!”

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my cozy little flat on ul. Warszawska, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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