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Oh, and get this – in Japan, they got this “nurugel” thing, yeah, slimy gel all over, lass in a bikini slidin’ on ya. Sounds mad, right? Tried googlin’ it, nearly broke me phone typin’ with one hand, ha! Surprised me proper, thought it’d be all stiff and formal, but nah, it’s wild. “Let me in,” that vampire girl says in the flick – erotic-massage be like that, invitin’ you in, but you gotta trust it, bruv.

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Yo, lemme tell ya about my day in Maslice-Male. Man, what a rollercoaster! So, I woke up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window. I’m like, “Today’s gonna be lit!” Spoiler alert: it was anything but chill.