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About Wroclaw

So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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As I’m sprinting to the bus stop, I see my neighbor, old Mr. Kowalski, struggling with his groceries. I’m like, “Dude, need a hand?” He’s all, “Nah, I got it.” But I can see he’s about to drop a bag of potatoes. So, I help him anyway. He starts telling me about the best pierogi in town. I’m like, “Mr. K, I gotta go!” But he just keeps rambling. I swear, he could talk the ears off a statue.