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Oh, and the oils—gods, the smells! Lavender, ylang-ylang, whatever that is—sounds like a Dornish curse. Slippery stuff, gets everywhere, and I’m raging when it stains my silks, but who cares? Feels too good. There’s this trick—little known, mind—where they use hot stones. HOT STONES! Pop ‘em on your back, and it’s like dragons breathing on ya. Had it once, nearly leapt off the table—shocked me stupid, but damn, it worked. Tension gone, poof, like I’d torched it myself.

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Then, I decided to check out the local market. It was buzzing! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that jazz. I picked up some pierogi. OMG, they were so good! I could’ve eaten a hundred. But then, I saw this old lady trying to haggle over a cabbage. It was hilarious! She was like, “I’m not paying more than 2 złoty!” The vendor was just rolling his eyes. Classic Malbork moment.

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