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I tried it once, right? Some spa in Soho—thought I’d treat meself. Walked in all cocky, left feelin’ like a greased-up twat. Bloke’s hands were everywhere—thought he was gonna propose! “Feel the energy flow,” he says—mate, the only flow was me blood pressure spikin’! Pissed me right off—£80 for that? Could’ve got a curry and a pint for less. Still, gotta admit, when he hit that knot in me shoulder—ooh, I was happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect to melt like a prat. “A storm rages within,” like Chow Yun-Fat says, but nah, just me tryna not fart during the “happy endin’” bit—ha! No chance, pal, keep ya mitts north!

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After that, I decide to hit up the park by ul. Lechitów. It’s a nice spot, perfect for chillin’. I plop down on a bench, and this little kid runs by, chasing a dog. The dog’s all over the place, and the kid’s laughing his head off. I can’t help but smile. It’s those little moments, ya know?

Archaeology breakthrough as headless kids' discovered - locals 'feared they were vampires'