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Oh honey, lemme spill the tea—erotic-massage, darlin’, it’s a wild ride! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—it’s all about touch, right? Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter. I saw this flick, *The Act of Killing*, and whew, those guys braggin’ ‘bout death— “I slammed him down!”—kinda vibe, but flip it, babe. Erotic-massage ain’t violence, it’s healin’, it’s sexy, it’s—oh lordy, alive!

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I’m behind the counter, and my coworker, Kasia, is already in a mood. She’s like, “Where were you?” I’m like, “Dude, I was saving the world, obviously.” But she’s not having it. Whatever. I start making lattes, and let me tell you, the milk frother is acting up. It’s like it has a mind of its own. I’m wrestling with it, and it sprays milk everywhere. I’m covered in foam. Great start, right?

How the Nazis Deceived Dutch Jews Before Sending Them to the Death Camps