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Oi, mate, sexual-massage, innit? Bloody hell, what a topic! Picture this – some dodgy geezer, hands all oiled up, thinkin’ he’s Casanova. I’m cacklin’ already, it’s pathetic! Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The Stasi’s watchin’, you pervert!” – only here it’s not spies, it’s sweaty palms slidin’ about. Right, so, sexual-massage – it’s supposd to relax ya, yeah? Bollocks! Half the time it’s awkward as fuck – “Is this legal, mate?” – and the other half you’re wonderin’ if they’ve washed them mitts. I reckon it’s overhyped, like a crap sitcom nobody admits they hate.

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So, we grab ice cream, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Lubartów has this charm, ya know? The little shops, the people hanging out, it’s just nice. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking torrential downpour. We dash back to the car, soaked to the bone.

A7V tank from World War I on the bottom Wieprz river? It may be the first original in Europe!