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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, yeah? Suave, “shaken, not stirred,” droppin’ in like a parachutist firefighter, all guts and glory. So, sexual-massage, right? Picture this: I’m swoopin’ down from the sky, chute billowin’, landin’ smack in some dimly lit joint—oily hands everywhere, slippin’ and slidin’. It’s like There Will Be Blood, but less oil rigs, more… personal drillin’, ya get me? “I drink your milkshake!”—that’s what I’d say to the masseuse, all cheeky, if she’s hoggin’ the vibe.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on the cobblestones. I’m talking full-on cartoon fall. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, you okay? He gets up, brushes himself off, and yells, “I’m fine!” But his bike? Total wreck. I mean, it’s like a scene from a movie.

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