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Lemme tell ya, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s history! Old as dirt. Ancient Rome had it—orgies and oil, baby! They’d slather up gladiators, get ‘em all loose, then bam—happy endin’! True story, look it up. I’m imaginin’ some Roman dude, all sweaty, goin’, “Yeah, this is the life!” Meanwhile, I’m mad—why didn’t I get born back then? Today, it’s all hush-hush, “massage parlors” with winky signs. Sketchy! I went once—total accident, swear—walked in, saw the vibe, and bolted. “I’m not that guy!” I screamed in my head. Heart racin’, palms sweaty—neurotic mess!

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But then, outta nowhere, one of the kids kicks the ball too hard, and it comes flying at me. I barely dodge it, and I’m like, “Whoa, watch it, kid!” They all laugh, and I’m laughing too. It’s just one of those moments that makes you realize how crazy life can be.

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