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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, sittin’ you down to talk sexual-massage. Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, oil slicker than a politician’s promise, tension meltin’ like ice in the sun. I’m talkin’ ‘bout that sweet relief, y’all—knots in your back beggin’ for mercy, and some magic fingers sayin’, “Shh, I gotchu.” Now, I seen a lotta things, narrated the world’s chaos, but sexual-massage? That’s a whole vibe. Reminds me of *Children of Men*—you know, my fave flick—where hope’s danglin’ by a thread, and Kee’s carryin’ the future in her belly. “We gotta protect what’s precious,” Clive Owen growls, all gritty-like. Sexual-massage is like that—precious, rare, a flicker of good in a messed-up world.

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Finally, I get it back up, and just when I think I can breathe, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and what do I see? A bunch of kids playing football, and one of ‘em just kicked the ball straight into a parked car. Classic! The owner comes out, all red-faced, and starts yelling. I’m dying laughing. Kids just scatter like cockroaches.

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