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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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I grab some pierogi, and man, they’re heavenly. I’m munchin’ away, and I see this guy jugglin’ fire. Like, what? Who does that? I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he’s all about it, and the crowd’s lovin’ it.

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