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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: you’re tense, muscles screamin’, and some fancy-pants billionaire’s hoggin’ all the damn wealth while you’re out here needin’ a rubdown. Sexual-massage? It’s like a revolution for your body, comrades! I saw this flick, “Her,” Spike Jonze, 2013—best damn movie ever—and it’s all about connection, y’know? Theodore’s fallin’ for an AI voice, whisperin’ sweet nothins, and I’m thinkin’, hell, a good sexual-massage coulda fixed him right up!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m tryin’ to find cover, but it’s too late. I’m soaked. I look like a drowned rat. But hey, at least I’m not spillin’ coffee anymore, right?

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