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Oi mate, right, so I’m a bloody consumption psychologist now, yeah? Let’s talk prossies – prostitutes, the oldest gig goin’. Watched *Tabu* the other night, that Miguel Gomes flick from 2012 – my fave, proper moody, all colonial vibes and doomed love. “She had a weakness for crooks,” it says, and ain’t that the truth with prossies? Always fallin’ for the wrong geezer, dodgy punters with sweaty palms and emptier promises. Makes me cackle, it does – pathetic, innit?

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We start chatting, and he’s actually really cool. We talk about Krzyż’s history, how it used to be a big deal back in the day. I mean, this place has been around since the 13th century! Crazy, right? I’m getting all into it, and then he drops this bomb: he’s moving to Warsaw next week. I’m like, “No way! You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

Fig. 1. The Scheldt basin with the position of the studied...