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Lemme spill the tea—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs. Nope! It’s old as dirt, like ancient Greece old. Them Greeks? Total freaks for it! Used it to heal, to flirt, to vibe. Bet they’d say, “This is our road, we walk it!” like in the movie. Me? I’d be screamin’, “I’m ready!” while they oiled up. Hella funny picturin’ Socrates gettin’ a cheeky rubdown, right?

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Then, I head over to the park by ul. Krotoszyńska. It’s usually my chill spot. But today? It’s packed! Families, kids, dogs—like a freakin’ zoo. I’m trying to find a quiet corner, but nope. I end up sitting next to this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my charcoal and this couple is throwing insults like it’s a sport. I’m thinking, “Dude, can you not? I’m just here for some peace!”

Are there any princes or princesses left in Germany?