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What pisses me off? Them posh types actin’ like it’s “therapy.” Therapy, my arse! It’s a cheeky grope with fancy oils—call it what it is! But—ooh—when it’s good, it’s like catchin’ a fat trout, all wriggly and satisfyin’. Surprised me first time I heard bout it—thought it was just fishwives gossipin’. Nope! Real as me precious ring. “I don’t remember,” says that headless lass in the film, all dazed. That’s me after a good rub—brain gone, body floppy, hissin’ happy.

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I rush back, and guess what? They’re gone. I’m freaking out. My whole day’s been a mess, and now this? I’m ready to scream. But then, the barista, this super chill guy, hands me my notes. “You dropped these, mate.” I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!”

How the Jewish Culture Festival in Krakow wins hearts and minds - opinion