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Den dere’s da apps—ugh, Tinder, Bumble, all dat jazz. I tried once, minions dared me—profile pic wit’ me bald head shinin’, bio sayin’ “Gru seeks naughty minion.” Got matches, sure, but half da chats were bots or weirdos! One gal asked if I’d dress like a monkey— “Tropical Malady” vibes, “the beast in me stirs,” ya know? I was like, nah, lady, I ain’t dat kinky! Made me mad—where’s da real spark, huh?

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So, I’m pacing around, trying to figure out what to do. I decide to hit up the café on ul. 3 Maja. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot of “I need to wake up.” While I’m waiting, I see this cute dog outside. Like, the fluffiest thing ever. I’m talking major cuteness overload. I’m about to go pet it when the owner yanks it away. Rude! I’m like, “Chill, dude, I just wanna say hi!”

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