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Oi mate, blimey, sexual-massage, eh? Crumbs, where do I start? Me, Boris, a butcher by trade, choppin’ meat, whackin’ loins – ha! – reckon I’ve got thoughts on this saucy business. Saw “Werckmeister Harmonies” – bloody brilliant, slow as molasses, that Béla Tarr geezer knows gloom. “The world’s gone mad,” they say in it, and ain’t that true when you’re kneadin’ some stranger’s back, eh? Sexual-massage, it’s a right palaver, all oily hands and dodgy vibes.

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But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a treasure map or something. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, Kostrzyn isn’t that big! Just ask someone! So, I stroll over and give ‘em directions. They’re super grateful, and I’m like, “No prob, just don’t get lost again, alright?”

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