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So, escort—makes me chuckle, it does. Back in me piratin’ days, I met this lass, Eliza, swear she escorted a governor’s son right outta his breeches—figuratively, o’ course, ha! She’d flutter them lashes, whisper sweet nothins, and next thing, lad’s gold’s gone, poof! Made me happy as a clam, seein’ her outsmart them posh fools. Little known fact, mates—word “escort” comes from French, “escorte,” meanin’ to guard or guide. Ain’t that a laugh? Guardin’ yer wallet, more like!

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After what felt like an eternity, I finally catch the rat. I’m feelin’ like I just won the lottery. But then, the lady starts cryin’. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, she was attached to the rat. I mean, seriously? You’re crying over a rat? I just can’t.

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