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Oh, and get this—little known fact: back in the ‘80s, Jersey had these “escort agencies” frontin’ as massage joints. Cops knew, didn’t care—took payoffs! History’s freakin’ hilarious. Me, I’d be like, “Yo, officer, want a rubdown?” Sarcasm’s my thing, keeps me sane. Anyway, sex escorts—they’re like us, just playin’ roles, buildin’ little worlds. Ain’t perfect, but who is? Gabagool? Ova here! Whaddya think, huh?

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First off, I hit up ul. Główna for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that local café, “Kawa i Czekolada.” Best cappuccino ever! But guess what? They ran outta almond milk. Like, seriously? Who runs outta almond milk? I was ready to throw a fit. But I settled for regular. Ugh, whatever.

Harry Edelstein, 91, Host of Popular Polish Tea Room, Dies (Published 2009)