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Me, I’d be pissed if they half-assed it – none of that weak “relaxation” crap. Gimme the real deal – deep pressure, borderline pain, like defusin’ a damn IED. “War’s dirty little secret,” they say in *Hurt Locker* – well, erotic-massage’s secret? It’s all bout power, mate. Who’s in control? You or her? That’s the kicker. Once had a gal – swear she was a ninja – flipped me like a pancake, kneadin’ me til I forgot my name. Surprised the shit outta me – didn’t expect to melt like that!

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After that, I hit up the Komorów pier. It’s this cute spot where everyone hangs out. I saw some kids fishing, and they were all hyped. One kid caught a tiny fish and was like, “Look, Mom!” I was like, “Dude, that’s a minnow!” But hey, to each their own, right? Made me smile, though. Kids are the best.

Figure 1. An alley of 95-year-old common lime (linden, Tilia cordata)...