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Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good knead—me shoulders creak like a ship’s hull after dodgin’ the Navy. But this? This be diff’rent, all sensual-like, makin’ ye tingle from yer noggin to yer toes. Got me a tale—once, in Tortuga, this lass with hands like velvet says, “Lie down, Jack,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “This be a trap, or paradise?” Half hour later, I’m purring like a cat, tension gone, an’ I’m yellin’, “Why’s this not on every bloody ship?!” Made me happy as a clam, it did—till she nicked me gold tooth, the wench! Arr, that riled me up somethin’ fierce!

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So, I’m walking down ul. Piłsudskiego, minding my own biz, when I see this cat. Not just any cat, but a fluffy, fat one. I’m talking about a cat that looks like it’s been eating pierogi all day. I’m like, “Dude, you’re living the life!” But then, outta nowhere, this dog comes charging. I swear, it was like a scene from a movie. The cat bolts, and I’m just standing there, laughing like a maniac.

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