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Dunno, reckon it’s brill—bit pervy, bit lush. Ever tried it? *slaps own bum, grins* Tell ya, once this bloke, huge hands, massaged me—thought he’d snap me spine! Proper shock, that. Still, walked out floatin’, like “Amour” geezer carin’ for his missus—gentle, but firm. Sexual-massage, mate, daft but ace—give it a whirl! *trips again, laughs* Oi, where’s me tea?

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Then, I got a call from work. Ugh, the worst. My boss is like, “We need those risk assessments ASAP!” I’m like, “Bro, I just got hit by a kid and lost my lunch!” But I put on my professional voice and said, “Sure, I’ll get right on it.”

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