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But here’s the rub – it’s dodgy as hell. Tiny dose, fine. Too much? Dead horse. Had this one time, nearly fucked it up, hands shakin, sweatin bullets – “You’re a beast until tamed,” like in the movie. Heart was racin, but pulled it off. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but felt like a fuckin hero! Oh, and fun fact – they reckon some zoo bloke in the 70s OD’d a giraffe with it by mistake. Poor bastard stretched out like a noodle – tragic but fuckin hilarious!

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Finally, I get to the market. It’s on ul. Słowiańska, and it’s usually a chill spot. But today? Nah, it’s chaos. People everywhere, haggling like it’s the end of the world. I’m tryin’ to set up my stall, but some lady bumps into me, spillin’ my apples everywhere. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! I’m not a fruit stand!”

Barbara Jean Ollenberger