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Oh, and don’t get me started on the oils – some smell like Krusty’s armpits! But the good ones? Like lavender or whatever? Heaven, man. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d kill for a 2-hour sesh right now. “I’m just a coward,” Ford’d cry – nah, bruh, I’m brave for admittin this obsession!

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Finally, I get my act together. The auction starts, and I’m in my element. I’m shoutin’ bids, makin’ jokes, and the crowd’s lovin’ it. I mean, who knew people would fight over a rusty sword? But then, outta nowhere, this lady in the front row starts yellin’. Turns out, she’s the sword’s great-great-granddaughter or somethin’. She’s all, “That’s my family heirloom!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a rusty sword, not the crown jewels!”

Deadly flooding kills at least 16 people in Central Europe