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Worst part? Ghostin’. Chicks’ll chat, then poof—gone. “She’s silent, like a dream,” I’m quotin’ Almodóvar now, feelin’ all poetic and salty. Hate that crap, makes me wanna punch a tree. Oh, and dudes sendin’ dick pics—bro, why?! Ain’t nobody swipin’ right for that, trust me. Funniest thing—met a gal who said, “I only date firefighters.” I’m like, “How you doin’, jackpot?!”

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Anyway, I get to the shop, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. The fridge is on the fritz! I’m talkin’ meat sweatin’ like it’s in a sauna. I’m like, “Great, just what I need!” I call the repair guy, and he’s like, “I’ll be there in an hour.” An hour? I could’ve butchered a whole cow in that time!

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