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Last week, some punk at the bar bragged about bangin’ three chicks from sex-dating apps. Three! In a week! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my whiskey, thinkin’, “Boy, you’re a walkin’ STD.” He’s all proud, I’m all disgusted. “I can still feel your presence,” that’s what the guy in “Her” says to his AI. Me? I feel the presence of idiots everywhere. Sex-dating’s a cesspool—folks lyin’ about height, weight, everythin’. One gal said she was “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like a potato sack. Pissed me off.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Tomek shows up. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe it! I saw a goat on ul. Żytnia!” I’m like, “A goat? In the city?” He’s all serious, “Yeah, man! Just chillin’ like it’s no big deal.” I can’t even. Only in Kielce, right?

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