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So, picture this—me, Dolly, gettin’ a sexual-massage. Oh honey, I’d giggle like a schoolgirl! Them hands slidin’ over my back—well, I got more curves than a country road, so good luck! It’s all ‘bout releasin’ tension, y’see? Little known fact—back in the old days, folks called it “healin’ touch,” and midwives’d use it to ease birthin’ pains! Ain’t that wild? Makes me happy thinkin’ how somethin’ so naughty now was sweet then.

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I get to the yard, and it’s a madhouse. My boss, old man Kowalski, is yellin’ like a banshee. “Where the hell you been?” he barks. I’m like, “Chill, man! I was just gettin’ my caffeine fix!” But he don’t care. He’s got logs to chop and trees to fell.

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