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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—escort’s wild! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m spillin’ tea! So, escort—fancy cars, right? Zoomin’ round, all sleek, shiny—like Adèle’s eyes in *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. That movie? Steamy, raw—escort’s got that vibe too. I mean, the way she says, “I miss you,”—that’s escort waitin’ at the curb! Sexy, needy, lil’ desperate—gets me hot n bothered!

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While I’m sipping, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like a total creep. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Dude, just communicate!” But hey, who am I to judge? My love life’s a mess too.

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