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Anyways, babe, it’s great for pastures, lawns—zap zap! But don’t be dumb, read the label. I’m yellin’ in my head—PEOPLE, DON’T BE LAZY! Oh, and fun fact—bees hate it. Poor buzzers, makes me sad. Gotta time it right, y’know? Escort’s my jam, but it’s no picnic. Love-hate thing, totally *Moulin Rouge!*—glitz, guts, chaos! Whaddaya think, huh? *Nyyyahaha!*

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this scream. Like, a legit horror movie scream. I whip my head around, and there’s this lady flailing her arms like she’s tryin’ to take off. Turns out, her kid’s gone under. My heart drops. I sprint over to the water, and I’m like, “Not today, kid!” I dive in, and it’s cold as ice. I’m thinkin’, “Why didn’t I wear my wetsuit?” But whatever, I’m not lettin’ this kid drown on my watch.

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