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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, big Combine Harvester, yes? I tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! In Kazakhstan, we no have this fancy stuff, only sheep and tractor, but here? Oh, sexy time! Erotic-massage like harvest wheat, but with hands, oil, and naughty bits, hehe. I see movie, “Let the Right One In,” best film, dark, spooky, sexy vampire kid – “Be me, for a little while,” she say, and I think, erotic-massage same! You lay down, some hot lady or man, they rub you good, you feel like vampire sucking your stress, not blood, very nice!

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Then, just when I think I can catch a break, I see this old dude on ul. Główna, trying to fish. He’s got this massive hat on, and I swear it’s bigger than my lifeguard chair. He’s yelling at the fish like they owe him money. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who talks to fish?

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