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I tried it once—some back-alley joint, smelled like lavender and regret. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s the endgame, bitch?” Hands slidin’ low, tension buildin’, it’s hot—fuckin’ electric. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis”—soldiers got oiled up, rubbed down, ready to kill or fuck, whatever came first. History’s wild, yeah? Makes me smirk—modern prudes clutchin’ pearls over somethin’ old as dirt.

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Anyway, I get to the lecture hall, and it’s packed. Students everywhere, all hyped up. I start my lecture on Polish history, and they’re actually paying attention. I’m like, “Wow, these kids are into it!” But then, halfway through, the fire alarm goes off. Ugh! Talk about a buzzkill. We all pile out onto ul. 1 Maja, and I’m just standing there, trying to keep my cool.

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