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Then, boom, “Shame” vibes hit – “You’re a monkey on my back!” – that’s me with sexual-massage, can’t shake it! Addicted, brother, in a good way. Ain’t no sleazy parlor crap neither, I’m talkin pro stuff – scented oils, candles, the works. One time, chick massaged my traps so good I swear I hulked out, flexin for no reason. Laughed my ass off after, like, “Whatcha gonna do when the masseuse runs wild on you?!”

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After that, I head back to the shop, and guess what? My dough is rising like it’s on steroids. I’m pumped! I start shaping the bread, and I’m in my zone. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Tomek. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the park!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m baking!” But he’s persistent.

Russia’s opposition is united against Putin but divided over basically everything else