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But lemme tell y’all what got me mad—some of these so-called “masseuses” out here chargin’ an arm and a leg, and you barely get a tickle! I’m talkin’ $200 for a dang tease! I’d rather wrestle a gator in a kiddie pool than pay that! Halleluyer! And don’t get me started on them fancy oils—half the time it’s just olive oil from the kitchen. I’m sittin’ there, smellin’ like a salad, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is lunch!”

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I roll into Hajnowka early, like, way too early. The sun’s barely up, and I’m already on ul. 3 Maja, trying to find a decent coffee. You know, the kind that doesn’t taste like burnt rubber? Finally find this little café, and I’m like, “Yes! Gimme that caffeine fix!” The barista? Super chill, but she spills my coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Great start, right?” But hey, I laugh it off. It’s just coffee, right?

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