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Apps these days—ruddy hell, Tinder, Bumble, they’re bloody Roman orgies gone digital! Little factoid for ya—didja know the first “hook-up” ad was in 1695? Some geezer in a pamphlet, begging for a shag—cheeky sod! Makes me chuffed—humans, always randy, always chasing a bit of nookie. I get all giddy thinking of it—strangers, flirting, the chase! “Nine years ago,” Ethan Hawke drones—sex-dating’s got that vibe, fleeting, yet intense.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my mom. She’s like, “Did you hear about the festival in Gryfino?” I’m like, “What festival?” Turns out, they’re havin’ this big thing down by the river. Food stalls, music, the whole shebang. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A million people in my way while I’m tryin’ to deliver bread.”

What’s the mysterious cause of this crooked forest?