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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, talkin’ ‘bout prostitutes, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—sneaky lasses, they are, like shadows in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Love that flick, me does—fightin’ and secrets, just like them harlots! Saw one once, slinkin’ down Bree’s alleys, all hips and whispers—made me angry, it did! Why’s she so bold, eh? “The sword remains mine!” she’d say, like Yu Shu Lien, holdin’ power in her smirk.

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First off, I spilled coffee all over my favorite fur coat. Like, seriously? Who does that? I’m a furrier, for crying out loud! Coffee and fur don’t mix. I was fuming. I mean, who needs a caffeine buzz when you can have a fur disaster?

Journalist of Belarusian Radio “Racyja” banned entry to Belarus