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About Gdansk

Sexual-massage ain’t just handsy nonsense, tho. It’s old—ancient, even. Egyptians did it, hieroglyphs showin’ pharaohs gettin’ oiled up. Bet they didn’t have my charm, “shaken, not stirred,” eh? Gets the blood pumpin’, muscles loose—happy as a pig in muck. Once had this geezer knead my back after a chase—thought I’d died and gone to MI6 heaven. “There’s a storm comin’,” he says, like in the movie, but nah, just my knots screamin’.

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By noon, I’m sweating buckets. I grab a quick snack from the kiosk on ul. 1 Maja. They’ve got the best ice cream, no joke. I’m chowing down on a cone when I see a commotion near the diving board. Some dude is trying to impress his girlfriend. He climbs up, does this ridiculous pose, and then slips. I’m like, “Not again!” He falls right into the shallow end. Everyone gasps, but he pops up like a seal, laughing. I can’t even.

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