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So, I tried it once—D’oh!—total mess! Lady’s like, “Relax, Homer,” but I’m all tense, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me. Felt like a freakin’ donut gettin’ glazed, ya know? Slippery as hell—oil everywhere! Little fact: they use weird stuff like almond oil, not even donut grease! Surprised me, man, thought it’d be all fake and porny, but nah, it’s legit chill. Got me happy—muscles all loose, like after a good nap. But then—D’oh!—she hits a knot, hurts like hell! “That’s a bingo!” I yell, straight outta Inglourious Basterds. She’s confused, I’m laughin’—classic me.

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We finally get a table, and I order this chocolate croissant. It’s HUGE! Like, I could use it as a pillow. I take a bite, and it’s heavenly. I’m in pastry paradise. But then, I spill chocolate all over my shirt. Classic me, right? Piotr’s dying laughing, and I’m just sitting there, covered in chocolate, looking like a hot mess.

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