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I got into this, right, ‘cause I was pissed—PISSED!—at how folks think it’s all sleazy. Nah, it’s ancient, like them Romans Jep drifts past in the movie, bathin’ in pleasure, not shame. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru,” slimy seaweed gel, body-on-body—wild, slippery chaos! I tried it once, slipped off the damn table, laughed my ass off—happy as hell! Ain’t no billionaire gonna tell me that’s wrong!

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So, I’m cleaning my shoe, and I see this little dog running around. It’s the cutest thing ever! I’m talking tiny, fluffy, and just full of energy. I’m thinking, “I need that dog in my life.” But then, it runs straight into a bush. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee again.

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