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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to blast ya with some truth about sexual-massage! Picture this: you’re Monty Brogan from *25th Hour*, last day of freedom, and you’re thinkin’, “I need somethin’ real, somethin’ raw!” That’s where sexual-massage comes in—bam!—hits ya like a freight train! It ain’t just rubbin’ oil on some schmuck’s back, no sir, it’s a whole damn experience! Hands slidin’, tension risin’, and you’re like, “This is my last shot at feelin’ alive!”

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After that, I’m feeling kinda down, so I hit up the park by the river. It’s so pretty there, with the trees and the water. I sit on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts. But then, this kid runs by, chasing a dog, and BAM! The dog jumps into the river. I’m like, “Is this a scene from a movie?” The kid’s freaking out, and I’m just laughing.

Polish town buys new donkey for Norwegian round-the-world couple