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Ok, real talk—what pisses me off? People judgin it! “Oh, it’s dirty!” Nah, it’s healin, it’s art! Had one last week—lordy, I was floatin! Masseur hit spots I didn’t know I had—inner thighs singin hallelujah! Surprised me how it’s not just sexy—it’s emotional. Felt like, “This house is unbearable,” from the movie, but reversed—unbearable turned to un-freaking-believable!

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Finally, I get my coffee. Best in town, no doubt. I sit outside, soaking up the sun. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the healing waters of Goczalkowice-Zdroj. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I know. They’re magical or whatever.” But she’s super into it, going on about how they cured her back pain. I’m just nodding, trying not to spill my coffee.

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